Chuck Norris

ID:8475
 
Feb 7 2006, 10:33 am
We totally need a list of all the facts about Chuck Norris. I'll begin. :D

First, my favorites:

  • Chuck Norris found Waldo. He then beat the #$&% out of him and chained him to a radiator so he wouldn't get away.

  • In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris is still Chuck Norris.

  • When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

  • When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.


  • Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

  • A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

  • Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

  • Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

  • The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

  • Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Feb 7 2006, 10:38 am
I made one a long time ago, but it's long gone.
Feb 7 2006, 10:59 am
http://media.putfile.com/ultimateshowdown

^^ Has chuck norris in it!
Feb 7 2006, 11:28 am
Yay for Chuck Norris.
Feb 7 2006, 1:57 pm
i made a quick thing to randomly get facts here it is..Chuck Norris
Feb 7 2006, 2:30 pm
OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG CHUCK NORRIS.

THESE FACTS NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GET OLD!!!!!!!11111
Feb 7 2006, 2:49 pm
Here are a few I know of:

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane"

;p
Feb 7 2006, 3:08 pm
How many chuck norris's does it take to screw in a light bulb? None because he likes to kill in the dark.
Feb 7 2006, 4:06 pm
Chuck Norris does not blog on the Internet, the Internet blogs on Chuck Norris.
Feb 7 2006, 4:31 pm
* Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

* Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

* Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

* The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

* Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

* Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

* When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

* Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

* Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

* In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

* There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.


* If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

* When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

* CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

* Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

* Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

* Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

* Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

* Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

* Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

* Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

* Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

* Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

* There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

* Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

* Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

* A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

* When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

* Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

* When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

* How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Feb 7 2006, 9:34 pm
Chuck Norris is over-rated.
Feb 8 2006, 12:13 am
:O BLASPHEMER!
Feb 8 2006, 12:27 am
I saw an ad for the Total Gym... Is it the most completely awesome piece of exercise equipment known to man simply because Chuk Norris endorses it?

I think so...
Feb 8 2006, 9:57 am
Chuck norris dosn't need to use alt cntrl delete to close a program if they freeze or to restart. The computer knows what chuck norris wants. Programs taht fail to comply with chuck norris get vitrually round house kicked to virtual hell.