If you're not into politics at all, this is a good place to bail out.

Since Gughunter pointed out this article by Bill Maher, I realized it was in dire need of a righteous Fisking. I used to do these regularly on Pyrojection so it might be fun to get back into the habit. By way of introduction, let me say that I have never found Maher to be compelling in any sense, nor particularly funny. He'd make my top 20 list of media personalities most likely to pull a 404, though, and I'm not surprised to see him do so here.

New Rule: Republicans need to stop saying Barack Obama is an elitist, or looks down on rural people, and just admit you don't like him because of something he can't help, something that's a result of the way he was born. Admit it, you're not voting for him because he's smarter than you.

No Bill, I'm not voting for him because I disagree with his policies, but thanks for playing. I take it for granted that anyone who has a serious shot at the US Presidency is going to be smarter than I am in most areas. Heck, even Carter.

But if elitism is the only charge here, then let's put on the gloves and reach into that barrel of monkeys, shall we? Maybe if Obama didn't want to be called elitist or accused of looking down on rural people, he shouldn't have said that major parts of rural Pennsylvania were places where economic depression forced people to bitterly cling to guns and religion. Seriously, Bill, he said that. Look it up.

I reject this "rule" but I'll concede, in fairness, that surely there must be plenty of elitists on both sides of the aisle, and it's endemic within our political class. That doesn't make it acceptable.

In her acceptance speech, Gov. Sarah Palin accused Obama of using his run for the White House as a "journey of personal discovery" -- this from the lady who just spent 10 minutes of her speech introducing her family -- Track, Trig, Bristol, Piper -- for a minute there I thought she was calling in an airstrike.

Uh... what? Bill, unless you're implying Palin didn't actually know her family and used this event as a way of remedying that, I don't get where you're going with this. Introducing your family to a country who knows little about you is not a form of self-discovery. Self-discovery is saying "I don't know if I'm cut out for this but I'll find out as I go." Good gads man, this isn't even grade-school-level semantics.

Karl Rove described Obama as "the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini, and making snide comments about everyone who passes by." Unlike George Bush, who's the guy at the country club who makes snide comments, and then passes out. Now this characterization, of course, was something Mr. Rove just completely pulled out of his bulbous, gelatinous ass, but remember this is America, a land where people believe anything they hear. One of McCain's ads casts Obama as "the one," implying he thinks he's the Messiah. Good, maybe he can raise McCain from the dead.

Actually the implication is about the Messianic zeal of Obama's strongest supporters and a perhaps undeserved air of awe. I wouldn't take what Rove says to be representative of what all Republicans say, whether there's a grain of truth in it or not. But as long as we're talking about pulling comments out of orifices, what's the deal with that Bush crack, Bill? Perhaps the best time to make such a joke is not while you're accusing someone else of doing the same thing and implying the underhandedness of it all. Way to step all over your point there.

It doesn't matter to Karl Rove that his country club characterization is fictitious, it's the role that Obama must play if the party of plutocrats is going to win over the little guy. Over and over at this convention we heard about the new put-upon victim in our society, the person in America, like Sarah Palin, who's constantly mocked because they're from a ... small town! Governor Yup Yup's got 'em all riled up about being disrespected.

Let's be honest, Bill. Anyone with a functioning brain knows that there are gobs and gobs of rich people within and in support of both parties. If you want to say "the party of plutocrats" you really have to be more specific. And both parties are trying to appeal to the Little Guy, just different versions thereof. The difference is, one of those parties knows "Yup Yup" doesn't play well with voters.

Really, I almost don't see how you could say something dumber than that.

Barack Obama can't help it if he's a magna cum laude Harvard grad and you're a Wal-Mart shopper who resurfaces driveways with your brother-in-law. Americans are so narcissistic that our candidates have to be just like us. That's why George Bush is president. And that's where the McCain camp gets its campaign strategy: Paint Obama as cocky and arrogant and wait for America to vote him off, like the black guy in every reality show. A black president? Half of Pennsylvania isn't ready for black quarterbacks. Forget Obama, they think Will Smith needs to be taken down a peg.

I stand corrected, sir! I applaud your effort to jam-pack as much bigoted stupidity into that paragraph as ever a second-rate commentator could manage. So you're saying that if we don't like Obama or find him elitist, we must be hicks, menial laborers, tasteless (implied by the Wal-Mart line), more tasteless (implied by the reality TV line), and racist? That strikes me as the sort of thing that only the truest snob could say. Bravo.

But okay, let's take it apart bit by bit. This is a Fisking after all.

Barack Obama can't help it if he's a magna cum laude Harvard grad and you're a Wal-Mart shopper who resurfaces driveways with your brother-in-law.

Indeed he cannot. What he can help, what anyone can help, is how he treats said person. No one is amazed that most career politicians at the national level come from Ivy League schools. That doesn't mean you get to laugh at the expense of someone in a "lower station" and then claim to want to represent them. And doing so raises the question of where you draw the line between mockable and unmockable. But I ask this more of Bill than Barack, who at least used his magna cum laude smarts to be subtle about it.

While I realize he's not born to political royalty like so many of our other politicians, that in itself doesn't excuse the charge that he looks down on people. Like Jimmy Stewart said in The Philadelpha Story, class isn't where you come from but what's in your heart; a man can be built up from nothing, "and still be quite a heel".

Americans are so narcissistic that our candidates have to be just like us. That's why George Bush is president.

Funny, I don't recall earning a degree from Yale. But come on--narcissistic? Ain't nobody of us hicks expectin' a President what can't read. People just want some hint that the person who will represent them respects them, understands on at least an abstract level what their daily struggles are like, and will further goals that keep them safe and make their lives better. Hyuk hyuk.

And that's where the McCain camp gets its campaign strategy: Paint Obama as cocky and arrogant and wait for America to vote him off, like the black guy in every reality show. A black president? Half of Pennsylvania isn't ready for black quarterbacks. Forget Obama, they think Will Smith needs to be taken down a peg.

Uh... so you're saying every reality show has a token black guy who's also cocky that people want to get rid of? I watch less reality TV than some but I take it, Bill, you haven't watched any. If this was remotely true it'd probably point more to racism on the part of the casting directors of those shows.

But really, Bill, the race card? I know there are still major racists in this country but the rest of us rightly regard them as useless cretins. Likewise most folks resent being painted as racist based on the fact that they dislike other qualities about a person. I have little doubt Obama will lose a few votes due to racism, but overall it's a ludicrous strawman. Obama could be old, young, white, black, female, androgynous, or any combination of those things and I'd still disagree with him on substance and still find some of his remarks elitist.

And for the record, I'm a fan of Will Smith. I still wouldn't want him for President, because again, we'd disagree on policy.

And finally: As for "country first," you know who's putting country first? I am, by supporting Obama, because a victory this fall for the McCain-Mooseburger ticket would make my job in the next four years very, very easy.

Seems to me if you're given a nationwide, highly visible forum from which to talk out of your butt, your job is already about as easy as it can get. But I think if you really wanted to support Obama, maybe you should lay off lines like "Stop calling him elitist, you stupid racist hicks!" New rule: Unfunny gasbags need to stop saying those who disagree with their politics are beer-swilling white trash.