k, starting from the beginning. left thursday to go to her and her dads house, we got there thursday at like 6, went to bible study and stuff, everything was good. but then halfway through she moves and sits away from me and i don't think much of it. well friday morning i wake up and i get on her bed and hold her. i get under the blanket and everything and my hand is under her shirt, resting on her boob(she put it there i think accidentally). k so she gets up because her stepmom comes in basically. so we get up she gets on the computer for about an hour. ricky comes over, her step brother andrew's best friend. she laughs at everything ricky says. they're playing halo 3, ryan 2, ricky and andrew. they ask me to play, so i play with them for a little while. then kimberly comes and takes the controller from me cause she wants to play. instead of sitting on the couch with me, she sits on the floor. so, i touch her butt and she has a seizure and like freaks out like she didn't want me to touch her and she got up and moved to the chair. well, then they stopped playing halo 3 for a while and kimberly grabs ricky's phone and starts putting kimmi was here on it while i was right beside her. well, i go away and come back and it says kimmi loves you. i ask her to go talk, i was going to break up with her then but i couldn't she gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me that she wanted to know what it was and she loved me, and i wouldn't say anything. i couldn't. well, she went back top lay halo 3 for a while and about 20 minutes i asked her to go talk again and i told her i didnt think it was the best time for either of us to be in a relationship. she said nothing and stormed out of the room and went into the living room and i oculd tell she was about to break down. she had to wash dishes and she wasn't saying anything to anyone, i tried to give her a hug but she wouldn't touch me. i told her i made a mistake and i wanted to be with her, we got up hugged, kissed and said i love you. everything was good until that night she went to rickys house with him to get guitar hero 2. he lives 2 minutes away..it took them 15 minutes. well, i didnt say anything about it, and it was weird like, she didn't want to sit beside me or me to touch her or anything, and thats why i broke up with her in the first place, plus i thought she liked ricky. Well, we went to sleep and woke up. Saturday morning came, and she was sitting on the chair, it was actually a recliner. I go and sit beside her, give her a kiss on the cheek and say morning. Well, she says morning and stuff and stays there for about 30 seconds, then gets up and lays down on the floor. well, the place where she lays at is right next to the couch where ricky's laying. his hand is on her, and he keeps poking her. blah blah blah we go to the church on saturday to do some work and stuff. well, her friend lindsey and her boyfriend dillon were like hugging and kissing and stuff and kimberly was like, "they're pissignm e off" i was like "why" she was like "because they're making out and stuff and i'm not even supposed to be hanging out with you" i was like "oh". so, later on we get back and dillon asks us if we're still dating and she says no, i was like wtf are you talking about, she was like we don't date, i was like we got back together last night, she was like you never asked me back out. so i asked her out and she said idk so i got really pissed off and changed my myspace thing to single. well, she kept acting like we dated and i was pissed off at her so that went on for a while then she goes in her stepsisters room and took a knife, lighter and a small tin candle. the one with the sides bent down, she said she was trying to fix the sides, so i picked it up and fixed it with my fingers. then she came out and i was still pissed off at her. then she went into her stepsisters room and took a knife with her and turned our song up all the way and was about to cut herself again, so i went in there and found the knife and i went in there and asked her why she wanted to do that to herself, she said it was because i wouldn't talk to her. later she said it was because she had made a huge mistake but i never asked her what the mistake was. so, later that night she acted like nothing happened, she never even cried about us breaking up. i told her after she was about to cut herself we couldn't get back together, she was like "what? what are you talking about" cause she was standing up, and she sat down and put her face in her hands. well yeah later she kept acting like nothing happened. well, her stepbrothre and her have rooms right next to each toher and i was talking to him about her. we were making fun of her, i was talking to him about her, and i called her a whore and a tease and said i wasn't getting back together with her. she texted me and said i effin hate you, she didnt say effin. well i talked to her and she was like i dont hate you i just dont realize how you could talk like that about your girlfriend. i was like you aren't my girlfriend, she was like whatever. i was like i'm sorry but all of that is just how i feel. that night at 3 am we were talking in texts and this is what they consisted of
i'm not going to church tomorrow(me)
why dont you just get your parents to pick you up if you're so miserable(her)
that would make no sense i'd get home at the same time. yeah i'm miserable, do you know how much you hurt me? you acted like you didnt even care(me)
yeah because people who cut themselves don't even care(her)
well the whole night you were acting like you didnt care at all. we're done for good since you like ricky(me)
whatever i don't like ricky. im tired so im going to sleep soon. im gonna go cut now.(her)
i go get the knife and take it into the room i'm sleepnig in and she comes in and says wheres the knife because she knew what i was going to do. i wanted to die(still do, actually.) she gets on the bed and hugs me and tells me she loves me. then she says give me the knife, i'm going to go put it up and i said i'll put it up, so i go put it up and go to sleep. i wake up at 7 and can't help myself..i go in her room and hold her and kiss her. i took her phone and these were text messages between her and ricky
i like you..as more than a friend(ricky)
why do you like me?(kimberly)
because you're cute and sweet(ricky)
what about your girlfriend?(kimberly)
i dumped her about a week ago(ricky)
i dumped mine about a week ago too lol(kimberly)
im tired so i gotta go to sleep. im supposed to wake up at 1 30 to get clint off the pc(ricky)
ill wake you up(kimberly)
im up.(kimberly)

well, anyway sunday came, i saw these and said have fun waking ricky up? she said she didn't. i said it's clear you like him, she said whatever and stuff and i said i cant talk in texts anymore so if you want to talk to me come to allison(stepsisters) room and she goes in there and gets on the bed and holds me(weird, yeah) and says she loves me and then she rolls over and i hold her. well, she gets up after 3 minutes and lays in the lving room, i get ready for church

OH BTW KIMBERLY AND RICKY WERE LAYING ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE COUCH ON SATURDAY NIGHT and we get in the car for sunday school but i don't sit beside her. well shes going to stay in wilmington until wednesday and i'm leaving today(sunday) but she's gonna ride with me home. she texted ricky and said "hey when i get back do you wanna hang out?" and he said "sure" i didnt see this until much later like at 1. k, we get out of the van and walk into sunday school and she asks me to sit beside her so i did and just randomly i texted her and said hi and she said hey baby. and she was like holding my hand and stuff and i didnt know why then we went into church. she kept trying to hold my hand and my arm where i cut myself. i don't care how much you make fun of me, i know. my band has a song written about it, "it's not an addiction, it's an attention getter." yes, i wanted her to know how much i wanted to die. she was caressing my hand/fingers and my arm and then i pulled my hand/arm away and she looked like i had just stabbed her or something and i put my hand back. we got back to the house on sunday and i asked her why she was acting like we still went out and she said because i want us to, i was like then whats stopping us, she was like i dont know. she was laughing and acting like everything was okay. i was in her room crying because she wanted to stay until wednesday to hang out with ricky. her mom wouldn't let her. she came in her room and saw where i had cut myself again with a razor this time..she was like what the hell is that and i said your cat scratched me. she said bs and left the room. i kept crying because she didnt say anything other than that about it and she came in and stood in the doorway looking at me, and i was like what do you want? she was like well i was going to tell you i loved you but nevermind i was like suprise suprise you're giving up again. and then i told her we shouldn't talk anymore and i wasn't getting back together with her and she said why i said because i know you like ricky she said oh my god i do not like ricky i was like please just let me go she was like no. i was like there again youre thinking about only yourself. well, 2 pm came and i was with her, but she sent a text message to my dads phone instead of mine accidentally and it said "i still wanna be with you but we really need to talk. please. i love you" and i didnt get it until 5 after i had left her without saying goodbye or anything. i called her and said what do you want to talk about? she said this weekend i was like what is there to talk about? she said i dont know i was like maybe we shouldnt be on the phone then, she said no, im just figuring out how to word it, i was like how to word what, i think she cheated on me with ricky on friday night. she said nothing nevermind and she keeps calling me and telling me she wants to be with me and i've told her 5 times that we won't work if we get back together and she keeps saying the same thing and i can't resist her. i know she likes ricky and i know she was going to skip right to the next guy without even caring, but i love her so much i just want to do anything to make her happy, but at the same time i want to live for myself not for someone who only cares about me because i care about her. she thinks we're on a break until she fixes herself, i told her that she needed to take a very long amount of time to figure out exactly what she wanted and fix her problem with flirting and that we MIGHT get back together then. and i told her if she so much as touches another guy while we're on a break that there's no chance we'll get back together.