Notice how, in all the 9/11 footage, we only ever see 1 plane at any particular time? That's right: the attacks were all caused by the same plane.
And given the minor differences in the times of the attacks, there's only one possible way that plane could have hit all of those targets in so little time, and without the problem of running out of jet fuel:
Yes, Santa Claus is behind the 9/11 attacks.
Why, you might ask? Well, it's very simple:
Historically speaking, shortly after any cataclysmic event, the birthrate will shoot up. This was also seen after the 9/11 attacks. Why is this important? Because Santa feeds on children to live. In the past few decades, the American birth rate has continuously plunged to just below a sustainable level. Santa knew that in order to insure that his job was not in danger, he had to act quickly to ensure a fresh supply of little children. It's so simple, and he almost would have gotten away with it, were it not for a few key facts that could only point to Saint Nick:
- The lack of plane debris: everybody knows that Santa's sleigh is indestructable. All he had to do was fly right through those buildings and they would surely collapse without ruining his sleigh.
- The missile shaped hole in the pentagon, and the nature of the debris: Santa's sled has no wings, it's just a sled. All he had to do was plunge right through the side at a low altitude, pull back up once he reached the center, and let the shockwave of tearing metal do the rest.
- The small "explosions" on the sides of the towers: this one is quite simple. Just before the "plane" hit the towers, Santa veered slightly in one direction, causing presents to fly out of his sack and hurtle down towards the buildings. The impact of these high-velocity presents caused what appeared to be pre-set explosions.
- The steel beams: sure, an explosion caused by jet fuel would not be hot enough to melt the steel beams. However, anybody who has seen Futurama should know that Santa has heat-vision. When he attacked the U.S. cole in 2000, he was able to visually create temperatures of up to 7860 C.
- Tower 7: Santa obviously had to destroy tower 7; the government didn't want us to know this, but tower 7 contained the office headquarters for both Nike, Wal-Mart, and even Mattel, three companies notorious for relying on cheap, foreign child-labor to make their products. With these companies out of the picture, Santa would have almost no competition for his elf-based slave labor.
Open your eyes people, and see the real truth.
ID:37243
![]() Dec 10 2007, 5:57 am
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![]() Dec 10 2007, 6:47 am
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No, Kwanza Bot and the Robot Devil helped.
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Wait...How is M. Night Shyamalan involved with all of this? Your theory has too many holes.
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Disturbed Puppy wrote:
Wait...How is M. Night Shyamalan involved with all of this? Your theory has too many holes. What a twist! |
South Park's version of the 9/11 conspiracy is better: a government conspiracy conspiracy. :P
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Conspiracy Theories are just that: theory. Therefore they should be treated like one and note that theories aren't fact and have logical fallacies.
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Kinryuten wrote:
Conspiracy Theories are just that: theory. Therefore they should be treated like one and note that theories aren't fact and have logical fallacies. Yeah, no. That's a misconception. A conspiracy is a plot by two or more people to commit a crime. A conspiracy theory is an idea about the conspiracy. Neither is in and of itself false. Even if you buy the official story about 9/11, it's still a conspiracy theory in the literal sense. It just doesn't hold up to scrutiny, unlike some other theories out there. |