When to call your family

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ID:36250
 
Oct 30 2007, 9:18 pm
Keywords: life
So tonight we went to the theater to see Things We Lost in the Fire, an intriguing American remix of the superior Scandinavian film After the Wedding, both directed by the talented Susanne Bier.

Three amazing things occurred.



The first, and to my mind most amazing, is that the Metreon theater did not show 10 minutes of ads before the movie this time. For a couple of years I've diligently boycotted them for trapping me in their theater while they ran incessant Coke ads and football-themed Public Service Announcements, after I'd paid a substantial sum for the privilege. Now that we know they've returned to sanity, this opens up an additional location for our weekly movie night.

The second, and to my mind least amazing, is that ten minutes or so into the film, a pretty large earthquake occurred. It went on long enough that I whispered to my partner (and I never talk in theaters), "This could be bad," basing my assessment on the length of the shaking and my memories of the Loma Prieta earthquake (which deserves its own post sometime, seeing how I caused the quake). It settled down, however, and my partner pointed out that the fire alarm hadn't gone off, so there probably wasn't much need to worry. So for the next ten minutes we continued to watch the film.

This is when the third, and most amazing, thing happened. A woman a few rows ahead of us (the theater was mostly empty) started talking incessantly. Those nearby did the annoyed head-turning thing, then some shushing, which did no good. She kept talking. When she got shushed some more, she hissed "I'm talking to my family -- we just had an earthquake!"

Now, I totally understand the desire to call one's family after an event like a quake. But. This was ten minutes later and we could all be pretty confident it was a typical shake and bake, and not something serious. And, being ten minutes later, the woman could have gotten up, walked five feet to her right past the empty seats, and proceeded down the hall and through the doors to the lobby thirty feet away, at which point she was free to call the Vatican for an hour if she wished to get the Pope's take on the situation, while we happily watched our movie.

But no, she had to subject the entire theater to her pseudo-emergency.

I have a simple proposal that I think will be satisfactory to all:

Make a cell phone call during a movie in a non-burning theater, be subjected to summary execution two minutes later. In the hallway, and quietly, of course. To be humane, we'll let you choose the poison.
Oct 30 2007, 10:06 pm
Mobile phones should double up as a kind of taser. The longer and more annoying you are when using it, the more electricity it discharges into your system.

I've come to hate phones in general. Every day I have to spend 2 hours (an hour there and back) listening to stupid, stupid chav music being played full blast from their tinny mobile phone speakers.

Film theatres should confiscate mobile phones before you go in. You're meant to have it switched off anyway, so it's not like emergency phone calls aren't going to get through.
Oct 31 2007, 2:10 am
I turn my phone off the moment I take my seat in a cinema. It's just the polite thing to do.

That, and I don't want to be taking calls or messages when I'm deeply engrossed in a movie.

I'd have gone out to the lobby and tried to tell the attending watchman that someone was upsetting the peace. Most cinema's around here have guys with flash lights that worn people who wont shut up.
Oct 31 2007, 2:59 am
Elation wrote:
Mobile phones should double up as a kind of taser. The longer and more annoying you are when using it, the more electricity it discharges into your system.

Oh, but they do - they give you brain tumours because of the radiation they emit.

It's true. I read it on the internet.


Every day I have to spend 2 hours (an hour there and back)

Sucks, doesn't it? Been doing that for about four years now.

Still, it doesn't bother me that much - I just plug in my iPod and listen to decent music instead.

(Yes, I have an iPod. I know. I know.)
Oct 31 2007, 3:52 am
IMHO, execution is too harsh for the first offense. Simply removing the tongue should be enough.
Oct 31 2007, 5:17 am
I turn my phone on virbrate. My family normally knows when I'm at a movie, so if I get a call, it tends to be important. Very rarely do a receive a call while in a movie, and never have I answered one. I have, however, gotten important voice mails and text messages(which I read then shut my phone, starting up a text conversation during a movie is every bit as rude as a phone call. The bright phone light really distracts from the movie screen), which required action as soon as the movie was over.
Oct 31 2007, 7:02 am
Someone should have hollered at her that you can still talk to your family OUTSIDE WHERE PEOPLE ARE NOT WATCHING THE MOVIE!

And then called her a profanity laced insult ;-P
Oct 31 2007, 7:42 am
IMHO, execution is too harsh for the first offense. Simply removing the tongue should be enough.

Bleeding-heart!
Oct 31 2007, 8:27 am
I forget where I read it, but someone recently mentioned the idea of using an RF jammer when they go to movie theaters. Blatantly illegal, yes, but gads, what jury would convict you?

I'd like to see theaters have bouncers who can throw useless twits like this out.
Oct 31 2007, 9:37 am
Lummox JR wrote:
I forget where I read it, but someone recently mentioned the idea of using an RF jammer when they go to movie theaters. Blatantly illegal, yes, but gads, what jury would convict you?

I'd like to see theaters have bouncers who can throw useless twits like this out.

Interesting, you had one of the possible answers to where you heard it in your last sentence. Leo Leporte of TWIT took a phone call on "The Tech Guy" with someone trying to find an RF jammer, or create one, for just this use.

Imagine if someone's family member is seriously injured and needs a decision on what to do instantly(say medical care workers want to know if a child has allergies to certain pain killers) before attempting to save the child's life. Mean while, the parents can't receive the call because you have jammed the signal. I realize you were mostly joking, but to answer your question, I sure hope a jury would convict you.
Oct 31 2007, 12:22 pm
Elation wrote:
Every day I have to spend 2 hours (an hour there and back) listening to stupid, stupid chav music being played full blast from their tinny mobile phone speakers.

That used to be the worst thing about mobile phones on the train. It's recently been replaced by the stupid fad of putting your phone on speaker mode and holding it in front of your face for the entire conversation.

I'm not sure which is more unbelievable, that someone would choose to take a call that way or that other people would copy it.
Oct 31 2007, 12:44 pm
How about figuring out a way to build Faraday Cages into theaters and other places where "silence is golden."
Oct 31 2007, 12:45 pm
Imagine if someone's family member is seriously injured and needs a decision on what to do instantly

If they didn't walk outside before taking the call, then perhaps their harvested organs will be helpful to the injured family member.

There are typically hundreds of people in a theater -- if everyone answered each cell phone call received while sitting in the theater because it might be an emergency, it would be like watching the film while sitting in an Air Traffic Control center.

There is no shame in taking 30 seconds to walk outside.
Oct 31 2007, 12:51 pm
Oh, don't get me wrong, walking outside is what should happen. My hypothetical situation was purely based on the notion of jamming the signal. I don't have any problems with people walking out to take a phone call. It is understood that life can't stop for a movie.
Oct 31 2007, 1:05 pm
I had someone a few rows behind me on one of those push to talk "phones" that makes the annoying chirp. Obviously, someone using one of those in the movie theatre needs to be killed, painfully. Took the manager 20 minutes to do anything.
Oct 31 2007, 1:08 pm
I would have told him to get off it or leave, personally.
Oct 31 2007, 1:15 pm
Everyone tried that, but to no avail. He was a pretty big guy, and if you've seen my member page, I'm a toothpick, as were the majority of the people with me. My brother threatened to, as he so eloquently put it, "break his grill", but since he has had prior assult charges, we had to stop him from doing something stupid.

I don't know why most of the other people were ignoring it, but he got kicked out of the theatre. But for twenty minutes, he was annoying the hell out of us.
Oct 31 2007, 8:56 pm
That's when you walk up to the lady and start talking louder, right next to her. That usually proves a point and provides entertainment.
Oct 31 2007, 9:22 pm
The second Pirates of the Caribbean was ruined for my friends and I.

We took our seats, and in the row directly behind us, they kept whispering to each other about getting drunk, one even said "hey, who are you texting?" They pretty much went to the movie to talk about the weekend ahead and use their phones.

If me or my friends had turned around, and told them to shut it, they'd have just gone out of their way to make the movie even more unenjoyable. One bastard behind me was kicking my chair.

In situations like this, that's where you'd turn on your radio jammer for like, ten minutes. Just so they lose interest in their phones for long enough to put them away.

--

For the reccord, you're actually not allowed to have mobile phones in cinemas. If you go to a cinema, you take the risk of missing important phone calls. That's just the way it is. If you are that worried, don't go. That simple. Wait two months and rent the movie.

And your child should have one of those little bracelets/key-ring things that can be scanned and a profile is brought up with a list of allergies and stuff anyway.
Oct 31 2007, 10:28 pm
For the idiots-behind-you scenario, my recommendation is pepper spray. No one's going to stick around to get maced a second time.
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