I'm a tad tired (it's 6 AM) but I'll try my best to answer.

1) Life is fundamentally flawed.

- It does not take into account sudden un-worldy disasters, like comets and exploding stars. Basically, you'll do all that effort, but then everything gets exploded and dies.

2) Life offers false rewards.

Yes, it conditions behavour. But this behaviour does not take into account that working your entire life to make a new set of little people to work their entire life to make a new set of people who get *SMASHED* to bits by a disaster.

Conclusion: Life is going to end. It's flawed and continues doing the things it always does (using up time and effort- MY time and effort, as well as everyone elses) then wastes it all by dying. Pointless.

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Premise 1: Being conscious is better than not.

- Personally I'd debate the the claim to actually being conscious or not, and whether it makes any difference. Animals that are supposedly not self aware have been here since the beginning and will be here at the end. We've been here for a bit and might be here at the end. And I've already said about enjoyment. Consciousness holds no pleasure for me!

Premise 2: Living beings, and only living beings, are conscious.

-Again, I'd say that's a minus. :p

Conclusion: It is better to be living than not.

Explanation: Drawing from the idea that consciousness is desirable.

- But consciousness isn't desirable. I mean, how do you know it is better than anything else?
I mean, c'mon. Living things with brains not only feel happiness that's just means of getting them to live better (which is pointless because it's not a very good system to use), but it even punishes you?

Life doesn't work, it's sure to end. Basing your life around life isn't such a good idea for investors.

Boo hoo, life has no meaning, wah wah wah. Get over it. Either make something up to satisfy you, or accept that your consciousness will never be satisfied and just tell it to shut up. It's only, like, 6% of your brain. All talk and no walk.

The Garthor has spoken! You are now officially "owned" :P

My answer to Elation: Your attitude is the only thing emo-fying you. So knock that emo out of you and go find out what the meaning fo your life is. Thinking about how pointless everything is, even if justified, never got anyone anywhere to any sort of happiness. So, if you like cookies, make your life about eating cookies. There is your meaning there. Tasty, chocolate chip cookies.

If you were not "wasting" all of that time and effort on life, then what exactly would you be free to spend it on?

Suicide is for weaklings.

If you wish to receive extra meatballs in your noodly after-life, you must die without the intention of escaping life(and, of course, you must be wearing full pirate regalia). Then and only then will the Flying Spaghetti Monster grant you your meatballs.


RAmen.

Many sailors and pirates didn't know how to swim- they were so afraid of the sea monsters that they'd rather commit suicide via drowning than be eaten if their ship went down.

Oh, you're trying to "save" us?

Go start a suicide cult, and stop contradicting yourself.