I'm actually considering moving back home to Portland. The more I think of it, the more it feels right. I hate this place, I hate this room, I hate the cooking utensils I have, I hate my job, I hate everything about my current living situation.

I love Lisa, don't get me wrong. But I question if she feels the same. She hasn't been herself lately, at all. And she's been a bit hostile towards me as well. I've tried to cheer her up, but nothing I do seems to be working.

It's not that I want to leave Lisa, but I know she wont come back to Portland with me. Personally, she can keep the Television and all the other junk I've brought with me (shot of my laptop and my DVDs). That I don't care about. I wont have any need for it back home anyway.

Life here just isn't for me. I can't stand it. The neighbours dog is always barking at night, and I am sleep deprived. I can honestly say, that here, I am depressed. And at this moment, it's the lowest I've felt in two to three years. It's quite sickening to me actually. I've always considered myself a reasonably stable person. But I just can't cut it here. It's not for me.

I'm going home next week, for a week visit to my family, to surprise them. And I'm going to talk one on one with my mother about my current feelings with this place. If anyone can guide me on the right path to take, it's her. She told me on day one before I left on the bus, that if I want to come home, I can under any circumstances, unless it was a fight between Lisa and I. Then I have to stay here and work things out. Which I figure is reasonable enough.

The only problem with moving is, it puts Lisa in a very expensive flat, on her own (in a neighbourhood where a 17yr old girl was raped two weeks ago, and a 3yr old toddler was sexually abused in a park in daylight a week ago). Which doesn't feel right to me. First thing I would do I suppose, would be to help her find another, cheaper, place to live. Losing the bond in this place is worth it if she is safer.

I really don't know what to do, and I have two shifts of work to go to before I can go home. My 3rd and 4th. So I suppose I'll do them with fake smiles. If it does come that I want to move out of here, I will help Lisa move at least. Give her what money I have left and be on my way. With a loving hug and a "I still want to be a close friend" lecture. She is a wonderful lady, and although I have failed her, I still want to have something to do with her.

If I move back, I can also use it as an excuse to fix up old friendships. I have one or two back home that need fixing. I doubt they'll be fixed easily, but you never know. Once I go back, I can't be any worse off than I am here. I can only be better, safe and sound, living at home with my mummy and daddy.

So riddle me this, should I stay with the person I love and live a miserable life here, or move back home? Although your responses to the poll will be ignored. My parents will know best. I shall hold it just to see what you would do in this situation.