Ever since I could remember, I wanted to be a game programmer. I wrote the scripts for at least a thousand different games, drawing picture after picture, and scouring the internet for some way to make games...
I guess in a way I've succeeded, I'm a videogame programmer. But, it's not what I wanted. I always wanted to do it professionally, and I've kind of started to realise that it's never going to happen.
Maybe I'm growing up a little bit, but I've started to realise that a degree in cryptology, a degree in foreign languages, and a degree in computer programming and graphic design aren't exactly a cooperative combination. If I change career paths now, I'll be starting from the bottom all over again, and I can't afford that.
My wife hasn't even been able to start on her first career yet, and it's not fair for me to go to school for a whopping two more degrees once I finish in the Air Force...
I mean, it really sucks to have finally realised that the minute I joined the Air Force, I pushed aside my biggest dream, and once I married my wife, I squashed it completely. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife, but I wish I could have had both things I wanted.
Maybe there's still hope, but I don't see it. Whatever, you gotta grow up sometime, and I can't possibly become a game programmer until my kids (Well, daughter right now, but in a year it's going to be two) get out of college and are on their own.
I mean, I'll be 43 years old when I can even start down the road of professional game programming. Why even bother, after being in one career field for almost 20 years, to change?
I'll be losing tonnes of money, and a lot of opportunities later down the road.
I dunno, I guess I'm staying freelance for the rest of my life. Doesn't mean I have to give up programming entirely, and I'm going to carry on, building a portfolio, just in case I can quickly and easily go pro.
I got in a big fight with my wife the other night about it too. She's under the same impression that my parents were, before they saw some of the things I've made over the years. She just doesn't understand that game programming is a valid industry, that is currently making money on the scale the movie industry is making. I guess she just doesn't want me to take a risk, when I'm set for life on my current path.
I guess I don't know what to do. I'm stuck, I have to choose between something I love, and someone I love. If it comes down to it, I'll do the right thing, and think of my family first. They aren't really holding me back, my current degree is holding me back...
How many people can say at 19 years old that they have a degree in a foreign language? I mean, I haven't even gone to college, and I've managed to scrape together an associates degree in a year and a half...
I guess I'll just have to wait it out, and see what life brings.
ID:21205
 Oct 19 2006, 3:10 pm
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Oct 19 2006, 3:21 pm
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Elexophus
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Not sure what to say. I can imagine where you're coming from. It must be confusing and difficult.
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That was deep and touching, I hope it all works out in the end. Maybe you can pick it up as a hobby maybe? And hold onto your skills until you can build upon it?
Just my 2 cents. | |
Elexophus wrote:
Not sure what to say. I can imagine where you're coming from. It must be confusing and difficult. I hope everything turns out for the good in the end, however you choose to do things. Good luck, on your life, and your family. | |
Heh, I'm not leaving. I'm just saying I don't think I'm ever going Pro...
I'm sticking around the independent programming biz, I hope. I'm just going to make it a hobby, I guess... It kind of blows, though, knowing I'm going to do all of this for nothing but personal enjoyment... | |
I always wanted to be a pen and paper game maker I am now a molecular biologist.
:( | |
hey Ter13, this does make me sad because your the sole reason i am pursueing a degree in game design. but you do have a family and family does come first. but you know if i ever start my own company know that you will have a spot in it. i guarentee that. cause without you i would not be where i am. everything will work out. i'll talk to you later
~majar | |
Thanks Majar, I've known you forever, man, it seems. It's good to hear those offers, after all, I remember when I first pulled you in...
Back in middle school, drawing up plans for stupid RPGs with no plot, and no setting, just because we both had the same love for games. Then, fine-tuning our skills with D&D campaigns, learning to tell stories, and learning to predict players' actions. And last was BYOND, where you grew past having me around. You really learned a lot, dude, don't put it all on me. You outgrew me teaching you, and you learned on your own. I love you, man. At least one of us made it... I wish you well in that career, if you ever need anything, you know where to find me, I'm never far from BYOND... | |
Woah man, It must suck knowing your dream could be right there, but just out of your reach.
I really hope you can live your dream someday, because really that is what life is all about. So many people wonder what our purpose in this world is, and I think I have finally figured it out. Live your dream, do what you have to do and just enjoy life while you can, because you only live once. | |
The problem isn't living my dream. I've already got a dream waiting back home for me. She's asleep in our bed, waiting for December, when I come back home on leave.
She's the girl I've wanted since I was twelve years old, and if I were to persue my dream to become a programmer, I'd lose her, and I'd lose my family. The problem isn't the fact that she disagrees, the fact is, if I go for it, she'll be working minimum wage for the rest of her life. I never want her to do that, and she's too smart for it... So, you see, the problem isn't the change itself, it's what I'd stand to lose during the change. | |