A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?" "Baptist." "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?" "Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?" St. Peter tells him, "Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here." | |
A man piloting a hot air balloon discovers he has wandered off course and is hopelessly lost. He descends to a lower altitude and locates a man down on the ground. He lowers the balloon further and shouts "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field." "You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist. "Yes I do," replies the man. "And how did you know that?" "Well," says the balloonist, "what you told me is technically correct, but of no use to anyone." The man below says, "You must work in management." "I do," replies the balloonist, "how did you know?" "Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect my immediate help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault!" | |
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!", he whined. "You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!" "Oh my gaaaad...", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was. "Where's my Rolex???!!!!" sorry folks thats all i got! | |
All those jokes were funny. I just can't think of anything today though.
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"Where's my Rolex???!!!!" Holy crap, man, I didn't even see that post, and I was about to post the exact same thing. Not even 9 minutes later, even. Coincidence? =| | |
It has recently been dicovered that there is a nerve that directly connects your anus to your eyes. It is called the ANAl-OPTICc nerve. If you dont believe me, then try pulling a hair from your ass, and see if doesnt bring a tear to your eye!
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A man is driving down the road when he sees a sign that reads " Nun house of prostitution, ahead on right."
The man can't believe his eyes, so he thinks its just a prank by some kids and drives on. Later on he sees a sign that says," Nun house of prostitution, 10 miles ahead on the right". Now he starts wondering if this is really real. 10 miles down the road he see another sign that says," Nun house of prostitution, next right". The man decides that he has to find out what this really is. So, he pulls into the parking lot and goes inside. When he gets inside, there is an old nun standiing there and she tells him to put a $100 in the cup. He does and is lead down some hallways and into a room. A different nun walks p to him, hands him a card, and leads him down some more hallways and through another door. Just then he realizes that he is back outside. Upon learning this he looks down at the card in his hand and reads," You have just been screwed by the Nun house of prstitution". | |
Q: What do you call a redneck who founds a mystical religion?
A: Bubbha | |
A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and says to the bartender, "Hey, I got this great Polish Joke..."
The barkeep glares at him and says in a warning tone of voice: "Before you go telling that joke you better know that I'm Polish, both bouncers are Polish and so are most of my customers"
"Okay" says the customer,"I'll tell it very slowly."