Install 32bit OS will work ;)

Or hire a sysadmin.

Or ask Stephen or myself to have a look for you? I for one don't mind doing so.
Unfortunately the service we use (https://www.nfoservers.com) doesn't support 32bit OSes. At least, not that I can see.

Hiring a sysadmin is out of the question, haha. But I'm not against letting either of you take a look if you want. Just send me a PM.
I'm willing to opt out of Libmariadb for just MySQL if that's possible. At this point, anything to get it working.
Just install mysql-server and mysql-client

Like I said prior works ootb with libmysqlclient-dev in my experience.
I've actually already got mysql-server installed on this box...

Along with Apache and php5, actually! But I'll try mysql-client.
And, it turns out I've already done apt-get install mysql-client. Am I now supposed to look for a .so generated?
strace DreamDaemon your.dmb 45000 -trusted -logself 2>&1 | grep '^open(".*\.so"'

Try stracing DreamDaemon for .so open calls to see where it's actually looking for the .so files as well

in my personal experience I couldn't get it to look for other .so's in local/byond/bin
Just an update, we've fixed the issue by installing libmysqlclient-dev 32 bit.

apt-get install libmysqlclient-dev:i386
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