Talk it over with them talk about your life and whats been happening in your life. Ask them to see whats been going on in there life so maybe u can get an understanding or take a lie detector test
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My life hasn't been all that "easy" either, but, truly unfortunate that you didn't get to grow up with you'r family, but hey life happens right? I've almost lost my family several times, and almost ran away several times when I was younger, at times, I wish I had been taken away from my parents, but I haven't and my life with my parents hasn't been all that great, because of my parent's lack of action against my brutish auant, and uncle(s), when I was younger, but try looking up Advanced Face Reading, on the 'net, theres some pretty interesting stuff, but I honestly don't know if I was put it into your situation, if I would be able to forgive my parent's either, honestly my advice is, just try to see how they react to your responses, if they feel your actions and responses are justified, then theres really no reason to continue feeling angry, but if they deny everything, and get angry, then go ahead and continue being angry, but it's your life, and your call, I just hope you take my suggestion into consideration, I hope you find a satisfying soloution to this, and good luck to you Xooxer
~War_master66 | |
War_master66 wrote:
just try to see how they react to your responses, if they feel your actions and responses are justified, then theres really no reason to continue feeling angry, but if they deny everything, and get angry, then go ahead and continue being angry, but it's your life, and your call, I just hope you take my suggestion into consideration, I hope you find a satisfying soloution to this, and good luck to you Xooxer Thanks. This is basically the approach I'm taking, because frankly, I don't see any better options. I think people are getting the wrong impression, here, though. Not you, War_master66, but the community in general. My lashing out at them with harshness is only the first step. Granted, it's probably the hardest step, but without it, there can be no healing. They have to see things from my point of view as much as I have to see things through theirs. If we can work through these begning stages, then perhaps there is hope for us, if not, then at least we all know where we stand. I may someday find forgiveness in my heart, but not until I've purged it of the hatred and spite that's been festering for decades. I'd like to speak with my other relatives in due time, especially my half-sister Chelsie (who looks so much like me it's scary, we could have been identical twins!), whom I think harbors the same sort of emotions that I do, just from what I've heard her say to our mother. She doesn't trust our mother, feels she has been lying and not fully open about the events that lead to our being removed. I have her email address, but wanted to deal with my mother more before opening another can of worms. I'll probably email her next week, though. I'd be nice to hear what she has to say about all of this. ~X | |
Believe it or not, just conversing with me about this is helping tremendously. It may not seem like much to you, but for me, opening up like this is good therapy. I'd have a hard time talking with a psychologist, they're not diverse enough to fully appreciate the intricate nature of my problems. A large group whom I consider friends, on the other hand, offer the diverse interaction I need to sort through this all. I'd most likely tell the psychologist (as I have many, many times in the past) just where he can shove his couch.
~X | |
"I'd rather be wrong and happy than right and not".
They say suffering builds character, but it looks like it's not true. Suffering makes people into cynics, like you. I agree with you. I also think now, after reading your reply to her, that you should bring the 'beat downs' on her, don't feel like you should hold back. But you know all of this, of course! To put it bluntly, but meaning it in the nicest and most respectful way possible: I'd rather be a starving African kid than be you, Xooxer. Take that...as some sort of compliment. | |
Elation wrote:
I also think now, after reading your reply to her, that you should bring the 'beat downs' on her, don't feel like you should hold back. I don't want to overwhelm them all at once. It's a delicate balancing act. I have to hold some things back or I could drive them away without ever having a chance of dealing with this. I know they need to hear it, but in doses, not a deluge. I'd rather be a starving African kid than be you, Xooxer. Well, I like to think I have it a little better than that. I mean, I'm just uber kewl, and I have you fine folk too. ;) ~X | |
Xooxer wrote:
Well, I like to think I have it a little better than that. I mean, I'm just uber kewl, and I have you fine folk too. ;) Hey, I mean, so many people owe their lives to you. Mertek would be a NOBODY if it wasn't for Chatters. We thank you for Mertek, Xooxer. God bless you. | |
When your mom chose to put you up for adoption, she had her own reasons. I don't know what those reasons may be, but selfish or not, I doubt that she wanted you to be abused by your foster parents. You can't blame her for all of it. She didn't abuse you: your foster families did. She's obviously trying to create a positive relationship with you, and no matter what she may have done in the past, she isn't doing it now. Try meeting her; talking to her. If she's honestly a bad person, then you can act hostile. However, she really might not be so horrible, and if you don't make the effort, you'll never find out.
I know that you're mad that she placed you up for adoption, but just ask yourself this question: "Why did she contact me?". | |
Xooxer wrote:
I can't see any other option right now. I'm an angry, bitter person. They're the reason I am. In all fairness they didn't mean to make your life hell. When the adoption option is presented it's never presented as the crap it is. It's shown as being the right choice for someone who can't keep their children. I don't know anyone who was put up for adoption who had it as bad as you, but I don't know anyone who had it good either. No one tells parents that their kids are going to have a rough life. It's usually presented as "we'll find them a good home, and they'll grow up like normal kids". If you want my advice, get them to get you therapy. This sounds like it's killing you. You're going to need to deal with it eventually and the best place to do that is with professional help, you might as well take this chance to at least get them to pick up the tab. (I don't know, you may have tried it and it wasn't for you, but this new stuff has probably changed/stirred up everything so it's worth a try). | |
How do you know that they did not mean to make his life hell? Sure, it's most likely that they didn't, but you can't say that with certainty. However small the chance is, they could've wanted to make his life hell. >_>
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Xooxer wrote:
People are selfish. She may have convinced herself she did it for our benefit, but I know that's a lie. And now she doesnt want kids, she wants absolution from her feelings of guilt. Now that you three are full grown, she doesnt have to raise and support you. She risks very little by contacting you, and hopes to eliminate her guilt. | |
I'm going to go the anger and hatred way (not a usual thing for me). How many kids has she had and raised? How could she possibly have more kids after just giving one away? If she cared that she lost a child, why would she let it happen all over again? Twice? I think your mother is full of it. It looks to me like she was an unthoughtful little twit twenty years ago, but if she's lying about it now, to you and your siblings, how much has changed?
I generally feel ok to assume the worst when someone lies to me. Maybe she was broke twenty years ago and still is now, but the difference now is, her kids are old enough to have jobs. To find that out if that is true, though, you'd need to continue talking to her. If I was in yours shoes, I don't think I could. You're one tough cookie, Xoox. | |
Well Of Cource I can't place myself in your shoes, just reading this, my life isn't so bad. I mean yeah I know the valve of a dollar, and I think hard work and actually working towards something is good, other than having your parents buy you everything. But I seriouslly think you should talk to your mother, I mean think about it, when your 70 years old, and you tell your grandkids (if you have any) how screwd up of a life you had and how she passed away don't you think your grandkids (or kids) will feel the same way about other people like that too? (I mean, im only 15, its not like i've experienced any of this, but..)
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An update, of sorts. I know how much you all enjoy this.
I've recently been talking with my half-sister Chelsie, and we've really hit it off. As I had suspected, she is just like me. I decided not to go to my brother's graduation, I can't afford it, and I don't really want to go. My sister and a friend of hers are going to Florida to see our mother. She's having a rough time with her own adoptive mother, and is currently staying with a friend. I told her she can move down here, if things don't go so well for her there. I've found my mother to be a childish, selfish person who only cares about her own happiness. All she talks about is how she feels about things. Some of the things she says to me make me want to smack her. Anyways, yeah.. things are progressing, I guess. ~X | |
Xooxer wrote:
All she talks about is how she feels about things. She probably does that hoping that you'll put your feelings out there too. I think you don't want to see her as anything but a childish, selfcentered person. It'd be a lot harder to dislike her for one thing she did a long time ago if she's a great person. Some of the things she says to me make me want to smack her. I've got a feeling in your if I was in your position she could tell me that she just adopted a lost puppy named Cuddles who has a broken paw and I'd still want to smack her. On the plus side at least you've got a sister now who you sound pretty close to. | |
Xooxer wrote:
I told her she can move down here, if things don't go so well for her there. Spread the word, good brother! I'll have to meet her if she moves down here...heh. | |
DarkView wrote:
She probably does that hoping that you'll put your feelings out there too. If she wanted to now how I feel, she should have kept me around... I owe this woman nothing. I think you don't want to see her as anything but a childish, selfcentered person. It'd be a lot harder to dislike her for one thing she did a long time ago if she's a great person. Perhaps, but my sister feels the same way. I'm a pretty good judge of character, so I doubt I'm far from the truth. Some of the things she says to me make me want to smack her. Oh yeah. ~X | |
~X