Today my head felt a little fuzzy- I think I'm a tad ill.
But now my head is totally clear, so I should probably go to bed (it's 2.44 am).

I don't feel worried about how Ema is doing today... I probably should, though. Tonight is a little decisive.

I won't be going to school tomorrow as I didn't yesterday. My dad is trying to make me do jobs around the house to stop me being a layabout... I didn't do much today (actually only cleaned a table and a window), probably due to being ill.
I need to work on some flash games in time for a competition... I've let the time go by and now there's only 17-16 days left. But I'm sure I can get something done.

I may as well be honest with you guys, since I've been pretty quiet here. I've been pretty down recently. I've been tearing apart my life one aspect at a time- be it my education (and thus career) opportunities, or my social relations with others (it's not going great with Rachel. I can hardly bring myself even to care about her anymore).
I was intent on doing so so I'd be forced into one plan of action; I think you all know what that is. However, it hasn't worked out that way. It's been so close, but there's one extra factor that I cannot deal with. I would have no reason to be around anymore, if it wasn't for- you've guessed it, Ema.

Ema is my best friend, and I love her- in the friendship-form of the concept. I've tried my best to see her through a lot of bad things that have happened to her recently and although I've not been doing a great job, I'm sure I must be helping somehow. I suppose I started doing that because I realised I had nothing else to do anymore- so I decided I'd make sure I was there to support Ema during my time left. However it's gone beyond that now and I am unable to do what I really yearn for because of the consequences that would lead to.

I don't care if my parents get upset, or if my friends grieve. What I do care about is how upset Ema would be (I like to think she at least thinks I'm a pretty cool person =p ). That is pretty much the only factor left and it's driving me crazy.
Probably the worst part of it is now I'm in a bad position to actually properly help her through the bad times she is experiencing as I have diminished job opportunites and such. I often wish I'd never grown so close to her due to my subsequent dedication to my newfound cause. =/

It sounds dramatic and over-emphasised, but it's the truth. For now, you nay-sayers (looking at people such as Garthor =p) are right.

I'm just going to see how it pans out from here. I'm going to see Ema next month, hopefully. I'll go and stay with her at her university. Then a few weeks after that she'll be coming down to Portishead and I can see her then. Just as well too; I think about her and her wellbeing way too much than I should.

*edit*

I feel better now. It's cool I can be open with you guys. I often wonder what will happen to this blog when I become a famous rockstar - would I have to tell the BYOND staff to hide it, to stop fans prying into my private life?

I am going to become a millionaire and me and Ema will play computer games 25/8. Then I will donate a billion GBP to BYOND (think that'll knock DAU off the top spot?).