I decided to taper off my use of BuSpar, that new med I was given a couple weeks ago, on account of how I read up on it and decided that the cons outweighed the pros. I did not want to get dependent on a substance I can't quit cold turkey, my bladder was perpetually overstimulated, and I ran a small possibility of developing a permanent muscular disorder. Yeah, screw that, I can deal with minor generalized anxiety.

God, I'm bored. I'm not sure if it's a result of coming down off the BuSpar or what. (If it is, good thing I started to stop taking it at 15mg, when the dose was eventually going to be twice as much.) Now, I'm trying to figure out what to do in order to make life seem worthwhile. (No, don't interpret that as me being the least bit suicidal: I meant that literally.)


It seems I've underwent a major life transition at about the time I discovered pony. I used to entertain myself by playing lots of video games... and I was perpetually frustrated by how few seemed to entertain me. Now, I mostly entertain myself with brony-related browsing. I can track this major change of habit to three things:

1. Games generally don't entertain me anymore. I'm immune to caring about grinding for lootz or graphics, so the game mechanic is all that matters. A game has to be at least Deus Ex: Human Revolution good, in terms of meaningful interaction, or forget it.
   
2. My independent game development allowed me to look behind the curtain and see just how hard it is to solve that problem.
   
3. The ponies are oddly addictive.

If you want to recommend a game for me to play, then you don't understand the severity of what I'm up against.

Last week, I invested my ambition in creatively realizing myself in writing fiction. I might have mentioned this before, but the nice thing about fiction is that it's a heck of a lot easier to revise the work actively than game development is. (Maybe I need to improve my game development methodology?)

What kind of fiction? Pony fiction, of course. It's not that I particularly had a burning need for exalting pony, it's just that I needed something to make myself feel like I was doing something worthwhile. The result did not set the world on fire, but the reception was generally favorable, although I'm a little depressed I got a little carried away and dug myself over-deep in a few major plot points.

Season 2 of MLP:FIM starts this Saturday. Am I excited? I don't really know. Sure, it's more pony, but then what? I should probably get back to work on game development, but right now I'm not sure anything I could make would be the least bit satisfying...