Between my happiness levels and time, it seems.
My life is most definitely on the up.
Go back a few months ago- hell, maybe even one month ago, and things were very different!
I was listless, tired in lessons, I'd spend my entire night (maybe up to 3/4 AM on a school day) listening to depressing songs, crying, feeling sorry for myself.
Then when I woke up my brain would be so horribly confused that it'd take 10 minutes in the morning to understand such fundamental basics as 1. The universe existed, 2. I was alive, and not the letter T.
I was unhappy!
But now I've got better.
I'm brilliant, actually!
This supposedly stressful exam time, study leave, has just been one big fantastic holiday for me.
I go to bed at good times (12pm - 2am), I wake up feeling great. I used to wake up at times like 4pm, now I wake up at 9am.
I feel happy. I know I'm not the letter T (yes, dreaming about Roguelike development has horrid effects on the insomniac's mind.
Mum: "Will, get up and get dressed for school!"
Me: *intense buzzing sound of neurons firing randomly*
Mum: "Get up!"
Me: "Wha...what...letters don't need clothes" *buzzing returns*).
I have a lovely girlfriend (yeah, beginning to see why I'm not depressed and I don't think about Nihilism and stuff now, eh? I always reasoned that if I didn't have any work to do, and if I had a fit girlfriend then I wouldn't believe what I did. It seems my reasoning was correct.
Sure, I might now become "prey" to the emotional goodness of my life (and my old self would scorn me terribly!), but to be honest, ignorance is bliss.
I still know about the fundamental futility of everything (etc. etc.), but now I'm not so suicidal I can do something about it. Like write books and try and sway people. Or something.
I think I dislike school. I'm sort of the classic case of 'A* student gone off the rails'. Trying my best to be humble, I was pretty damn ace at school- until things went downhill.
Now I'm out of school I feel better, I want to get up in the morning, I want to go out and do stuff. I don't need pain killers to walk to school, I don't need extra 10 minutes of sleep to ease the pain in my head.
I'm pwning life.
(now just wait for Rachel to dump me and for school to start again, eh? ;) )
Have a great day, guys!
ID:1127
 Jun 19 2005, 12:31 am
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Jun 19 2005, 1:35 am
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Crispy
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Yay! Fight the depression! FIGHT IT! =)
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Schweet!
So, does that mean you'll make some Uber l337 games now? =P | |
Infact, I've stayed out of the sun and worked all day on one.
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Good to hear!
I went through a lot of practically bi-polar ups and downs in my teenage years and early twenties. Fortunately for me, that took care of itself. But if down the road you find yourself really depressed without a good reason, you might consider getting it treated. Severe depression without cause can be a physical illness no different than, say, having a flesh-eating virus chomping on your leg. And while having a flesh-eating virus might make one want to throw up their hands at the unfairness of it all, most people would manage to get someone to help with the situation. On the other hand if you are in a fox hole and your gun just jammed and tanks are coming at you and at that moment you get air-dropped a "Dear John" letter and your in-grown toe-nail is REALLY BUGGING YOU, then, for a minute at least, maybe that depression thing is a rational response. Or you are just playing too much Call To Duty... | |
Hahaha. I'm inclined to agree. <=)
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ohhhhh, elation. so good to hear that you're feeling better. nothing like summer vacation, eh?
remember; life is what you make it, dude, and you become a hybrid of the 5 people that you are around most, so choose them wisely. keep the chin up, lad. life is quite wonderful when you want it to be. | |