Don't really know if this is the original source or not, but it's where I stoled it from: http://www.beigebinary.com/what-if-linux-distros-were-women

Redhat
Redhat would be a gorgous, expensive hooker. She'd do whatever you
wanted, and do it well. You'll be left satisfied, but you'll have no
idea how she did it. If you needed help with her, there are many paid
phone numbers you can call to chat about her.

Fedora Core
Fedora Core would be just as good as Redhat, but wouldn't cost you a
dime.

CentOS
CentOS would look just like Fedora Core, except... Except it would look
just like Fedora Core.

Suse
Suse would be a moderately hot hooker. She wouldn't be quite as good as
Redhat, but there are still lots of fun paid phone numbers for you to
call.

OpenSuse
OpenSuse would be every bit as good as Suse, but wouldn't cost you a
penny.

Debian Stable
Debian Stable would be a flat chested 50 year old. She'd cook, clean, and
iron better than any other the other linux distros, would have no
moodswings whatsoever, and would have a life expectancy of 157 years.
There'd be plenty of people willing to help you maintain her, and they'd
all be fairly knowledgable.

Debian Testing
Debian Testing would be exactly like Debian Stable, except that she's only
40 years old.

Ubuntu
Ubuntu would be a cute maid in a frilly outfit. She'd do everything you
could want for you, but if you tried to do something yourself, she'd
immediately collapse to the ground and bawl her eyes out. She'd
really, REALLY like animals, and would occasionally change her
name to things like "giggly gopher". There'd be loads of people
willing to help you make her run, but all of them know
less about her than you do.

Xubuntu
Xubuntu would look and act a whole lot like Ubuntu, except that she's
not /quite/ as good at doing things for you. She is, however, quite a
bit skinnier.

Gentoo
Gentoo would be a completely lifeless doll to start out with. You'll be
expected to dress her, and assemble her brain. She'd take forever to get
turned on, but once she got going, she'd do it twice as fast as any of
the other distros. Pressing different combinations of body parts
(Twist left nipple, pat nose, tug ear) would result in sudden, drastic
changes to her appearance, (Left breast increases in size by 50%) but if
you got the order wrong, she would turn inside out. There'd be a lot of
people that would help you make her work, and they all would know more
than you.

Sabayon linux
Sabayon linux is Gentoo linux after some people gone done spit-polishing
her. She'd look fantastic, her smoking hot body putting other girls to
shame. She'd work nearly as hard as Gentoo, and turns inside out less.
Unfortunately, no one uses her because they cannot spell her name.
(Sabaion? Sebayon? Sarberion!)

Knoppix
Knoppix would be able to work in any kitchen, anywhere. She wouldn't be
much good for anything else, but people swear she's great for testing
our a kitchen in preparation for another girl.

Linspire
Linspire is NOT another company's girl. It has NO relation to her, even
though Linspire used to be known as Lindows. That's in the past now.
Now, Linspire is a cheap hooker that really doesn't do anything well.

DSL(Damn Small Linux)
DSL would be the prettiest midget woman you've ever seen. She'd do most
of what you asked of her, but doesn't learn new things too well. There
are approximately sixteen people on the planet that can help you
with her, but most of them seem to be on a coffee break.

DSL-N(Damn Small Linux-Not)
DSL-N would look exactly like DSL, except that she would be slightly
worse at cooking, and be twice as fat. There are about three people in
the known universe that can help you out with her, but they're all on a
permanent coffee break.

LFS(Linux From Scratch)
LFS would be a plain, white room with various body parts strewn about on
the floor. There'd be half of an instruction manual taped up to a wall,
alongside a note that said, "Have fun!". There are a few people that are
willing to help you put her together. When they speak they make
english-like sounds, but you are completely unable to understand them.

Archlinux
Archlinux is a smoking hot babe. She learns new tasks quickly, does them
well, and is cheerful about it. However, if you need help with her,
you're completely out of luck.

FreeBSD
FreeBSD looks like linux, sounds like linux, feels like linux, and
even smells like linux, but would continually insist that she is not
linux. This appears to be the prime difference between her and linux.
There are quite a few people able and willing to help you with her,
provided you agree with them that FreeBSD is not Linux.

NetBSD
NetBSD looks like FreeBSD, sounds like FreeBSD, feels like FreeBSD,
and even smells like FreeBSD, but continually insists that she is
not FreeBSD. This appears to be the prime difference between her and
FreeBSD. There are quite a few people able and willing to help you with
her, provided you agree with them that NetBSD is not FreeBSD.

OSX
OSX looks like FreeBSD after a facelift. She's a bit more
high-maintennence than FreeBSD, and has a bit of a diva complex.
She runs a lot of software that other girls won't touch. There
are quite a few people willing to help you use her, but if you say the
words "Linux" or "FreeBSD" around them, they'll explode into thousands of
ipod nanos.