Well, currently, since my boyfriend broke up with me to go to another girl, I've been single for a while, but I am not looking at all, and I am almost 20. Time sure flies by when you least expect it. God..Anyways, things have been a bit downhill.

The good thing is, that I am keeping myself well calm and rarely I will share my feelings and what's going on to my friends. Family..They don't give a crap.

Most of my life has been in isolation due to my parents always holding me back, I currently try to stay nicer to others, but as you all know, I am very shy and not much of a talking person if I just met you in real life. Love is something that I like, but I don't want so much attention. It just happens and many people take it the wrong way.
I love people. But when you are depressed. and usually condemned to staying away from others and always having a really crappy life, you would say, "I hate people". That makes you believe that people really treat you like crap for no reason, and most of us all hate it. I've been through it countless times, even so, we need to keep our hearts calm and try to smile whenever a person is trying to care for us. Love hurts. Love hurts our souls, and pushes us into the darkness, where the only way to get out, is to find that right person.

But..Are you actually ready for love? and are you okay with it?

We all know, everyone has each other's backs and will do anything to keep them happy, "Meaning friends aka, Best friends to the end who will love us no matter what and stay no matter what happens."

Well..I'll tell you something about my own life.. Starts about the age of 1 or 2.

When I was younger, I use to be a happy child living in a home with one brother, and two grandparents. My real mom is Korean. My dad, well, I didn't know him much at all, anyways, I really never seen my mom at all anymore, my father says she is probably married to some Mexican guy, and he's scared of her, and yeah. They've been to jail countless times before, and so, they had to give my brother and I up to my grandparents at the ages of 1 and 2, when I was a baby, my family use to only spoil my brother, and keep me sitting in the crib alot where I couldn't really do anything at all, all they did was help him walk, talk, and have fun with people coming to the house and having their kids play with him for a period of time while I was stuck in a crib with a closed door, no one allowed to come in and talk or anything to me.

My family use to teach my brother how to walk now, and so, I was only crawling, and couldn't talk still at age 2,which sucked. My brother could talk.

When I reached the age of 4, the doctors said I had a speech impairment problem which isn't really funny at all. IT SUCKED.. I couldn't talk till the age of 9, so I was usually mute. People wondered why I couldn't but, I continued to go to school as a normal person. At age 10 I learned to speak, and so, as I moved on through the years, my speech is better.

at age 12, I was always a perky and energetic kid, 4'2 and 52 pounds. People thought I was younger, but no. It's probably cause I am Asian.
Bingo.

Anyways, my parents use to always travel, taking along my brother only, only to say I was too young to go with them. So I was left at my aunt's house and I cried hard, and begged them to let me come, I wanted fun too. They wouldn't let me. Then when I cried at my aunt's house, all you could hear is "SHUT THE F up and stop crying!", and I tried, but then got beaten by my aunt.
No one did anything. And so I started to hate myself and everyone else..

At age 14, I use to stay silent a lot and sometimes I was then again, left alone as they allowed my brother to go places and have all the fun without me, parties, games, friends, none of it for me. I was locked in the basement a few times. And was getting to the place where I'd get really mad, and not like anyone. I only had access to a computer. at the age of 11.

At age 17 on July 10th, 2008, I was sent to the hospital cause I use to actually get mad and throw a fit due to my parents keeping me away from things that my friends were going to, to have fun. And so, well, I hurt my brother cause he'd start to hurt me a lot. And I was pissed off.
Left there for 8days.

and finally, at the age of 19 now, I am almost 20, and so, I still may have a few years ahead of me. But most of my life is a complete hell and I swear to god I hate it when people misjudge things on others, I currently keep myself calm and try not to be mean. I love people. But don't know what is in store for my future if I build up this anger in my heart and mind.

--8/20/2010?--
I just wish..people were happy..and most of all..I wish this nation would become better. And no violence..