"Life is a lesson that you only learn right before you die."
I heard this and it reminded me of a friend, Jeremy Gaines, who had just been dumped by his girlfriend of five years, and then he had been diagnosed with luchemia. In his last hours, he wrote on a pad of paper his suicide note. the last lines were:
"I have seen all this cruel world has to offer, and I lift myself as sacrifuce to the next world. I have seen the plague and am ready for death."
He slit his wrists that night. Just as the blood was leaving his body, he decided he wanted to stay, but it was too late, he tried to bandage up his wrists with some cloth.
When his mother found his body, she found a crumpled up piece of paper, still clenched in his frozen fist, bearing 5 words.
"I was wrong, I'm sorry"
When I spoke with his monther, she showed me the police report, and judging by the ammount of blood on the floor, Jeremy had panicked, and had tried to stop his bleeding, and the suicide had been marked unintentional, despite the initial suicide note.
I would have liked to have heard his story, to listen to his reasoning behind his suicide, but I have nothing to go on except for the initial two weffects.
"If you are ready to give your life, YOu are not ready for the afterlife."
ID:191991
 Jul 27 2002, 3:02 pm
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Jul 27 2002, 6:34 pm
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Sariat
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That was pretty cool, I will NEVER do suicide. If I absolutely had to, I would pay somebody to kill me.
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If I absolutely had to, I'd get two people to kill me. Boondock Saints style. If you don't know what I am talking about, go watch the movie.
...Yes, I do watch too many movies... | |
Sariat wrote:
That was pretty cool, I will NEVER do suicide. If I absolutely had to, I would pay somebody to kill me. I don't think the suicide thing was cool. I beleive in people dieng naturally and not by one another or themselves. If I HAD to absolutely kill myself, I'd use a gun to the head, save me the pain from hanging or slitting my wrists/neck. | |
Suicide is a horrible, horrible thing... No one should ever feel so bad that death is what they see as their only option...
I'm rather torn between feeling glad that he changed his mind, or being sad that he decided that too late... It's good that in the end, he realized that he wanted to live... But it really sucks that he figured that out too late... It almost makes it worse to know that little fact... And how badly he must have felt during the final moments... I can't even begin to understand that kind of mental anguish... Especially the incredible fear and remorse that must have come to him when his will to live kicked in but he couldn't help it... I once had a dream in which for whatever reason, I had taken some drug that would kill me in the next 24 hours... The reason was a good one (as far as I can remember from the dream)... Not just a simple suicide...but for some greater good... Like my death would save others or something like that... But then, after the fact, I had changed my mind and decided that I didn't want to die... And the rest of the dream was spent in horrible remorse and fear of the inevitable that I now didn't want to come...but was unable to prevent... Needless to say, I was very glad to wake up and find out that it was all a dream... Heh...I have a lot of dreams like that (well, from the very few dreams that I ever remember, which are getting fewer and further between these days)... Not all involving suicide or even death for that matter... But "bad" dreams that contain some really horrible situation that I'm always glad to awaken from... But nothing that I'd classify as a "nightmare" (as in monsters, and stuff like that...lol)... Just really uncomfortable situations to be in... | |
That is so sad.
Thiefy | |
He at least left a note telling the world about what he thought, and the reason he wanted to die. My father was a manic depressive for 20 years, I grew up everday hoping not to come home from school to find him dead, or trying to kill himself. There had been numerous occasions where he threatened to kill himself, the only thing that stopped him was my brother, my sister, and me. One morning I had strangely woken up and my brother was just waking up also, we decided to play a few games to pass time till the afternoon, my sister then came into my room and asked if we wanted anything to eat, I said yes and went to go help her make some sandwhiches. Right when I left my room a loud clumping noise rang though the house, it sounded like it was muffled and coming from outside, my brother just said it was the neighbores(who at the time where doing some construction on their house) working outside, so we all ignored it. As we were making the food, we had run out of tomatoes in the kitchen, so I went to the garage to get some from the ice box in there, the lights were strangely off, so I guided my way over to the fridge. After I got the tomatoes I saw an outline on the ground, so I clicked on the lights in the garage to see my own father and a hand gun lieing there, a piece of paper and an unsharpened pencil, and a large pool of blood. The only thing that came out from my lips was screaming and yelling, then the day is nothing but a simple blur, it felt like a dream that when I wake up, everything would be normal and I would go fishing next weekend in the Gulf of Mexico, or to my uncle's ranch to hunt. It turns out that the 2 loud clumps where from the gun fire, and his skull hitting the back bumper of his jeep. Every now and then I still feel like when I close and open my eyes I'll have a wiff of his after-shave, or here him clicking his old cigarrette lighter. Well it sort of felt good talking about this subject, and I am very sorry about your friend Ter13, and I hope his family can recover from what happened.
<<>>Kusanagi<<>> | |
Ive had a similar dream.
I was a bird of fire flying over a scorched wasteland , tanks and many huge vehicles were turned right-side up. I remember feeling great sadness for everything. It was then that I felt a great menace in front of me, it was a black bird of fire. We had battled with beak and talon for what seemed like a very long time. in the end my body was raked and torn and i felt the pain. But just as i was about to die I chose to give up my life in order to save all others. My body burst into flames immolated the blackbird healed the wounded and allowed plants to regrow. So suicide as self sacrifice is not a sin. You will know it when it comes, if it comes. When you think about it, petty little things arent worth your life, like money, relationships, video games, your job, your kids, your possessions, your house. While these things are not meaningless they are not of significance to kill yourself. If you have a painful disease, scarred for life, disabled, or even if everyone else is dead. Its never worth killing yourself. Life not Death Experiences not addictions There is alot of filth in the world but there is also alot of good. The news usually focuses on the bad. So just dont focus on the news. | |
As for me, If i absolutely had to commit suicide, id head off into the wilderness with nothing but the clothes on my back, and i would travel on a personal quest until i die of starvation/thirst/or injury. It is then that animals would devour my corpse and I would go back to nature.
The way i want to have my corpse dealt with. I dont like the idea of being buried or cremated or even being cryogenically frozen. screw all that. cremation is just creepy, donating body to science is just sick, and being buried or frozen is just a waste of space. | |
I have a bad taste in my mouth, feeling like reaching out to the BYOND community is such a waste. Thank you sariat, You have ruined my day, ruined my mood, and you have managed to lose all respect I had for you.
I do not need to prove to you that this is a factual event. I need not oyur consent to make this event reality, for it was long before you or I found BYOND. Titanic was a movie, that doesn't mean it never really happened. I never saw that movie, I will say no more. | |
It improve your mood and the taste in your mouth to realize that Sariat's reply is indented below SSGX's post about his weird dream.
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hey... wow, I feel better, thanks Dr. Les. I keep wanting to call you Lexy. dunno why, just do. Wasn't that you last key? or am I just stupid. I feel stupid anyway, so i'll scream for a minute and a half...
AAAAA[...]AAAAAHHHHH[...]HHHHH!!!!![...]!!!!! Yes, I feel much better. | |
Quite possible...
I really did have a dream involving that story... but where my min picked up that story is a mystery... It may have been invented by my psyche...or it may have been a retelling of a movie I once saw... So it's entirely possible that I did steal that from a movie... but not intentionally...lol | |
Ter13 wrote:
hey... wow, I feel better, thanks Dr. Les. I keep wanting to call you Lexy. dunno why, just do. Wasn't that you last key? or am I just stupid. I feel stupid anyway, so i'll scream for a minute and a half... It wasn't only her last key ("LexyBitch"), it's her real name, and she doesn't mind when people use it. I still feel awkward when people call me Jeremy online, mainly because I refer to myself as Spuzzum. (When I start feeling awkward when people call me Jeremy offline, I'll be sure to call a psychiatrist, though.) | |
Now there's an interesting effect...
Thanks to the wonders of the internet...I feel as if there are now two of me... I am Dan... I am SSGX... But SSGX is not Dan... So, in essence, there are two me's... And I've also noticed that there are a few distinct personality differences between the two of me... So it's not just in name... And I also suppose that is one of the reasons I refuse to change my key to appease those of you *cough*Nadrew*cough* that think I shouldn't have a DBZ moniker... It's almost as big a deal to me as changing my name in real life would be... I'm attached to this name almost as deeply as the one given to me at birth... Because indeed this name was the one chosen at the birth of my online self...I've used it everywhere and for everything for the entire duration of my use of the internet... It's a really neat phenomenon if you think about it... Heck, I can see online psychiatry in the near future... Not for the person behind the keyboard...but for the personality of their internet persona...lol Like some AIM shrink that people can set up appointments with to get help for their electronic selves... Of course, this would only be useful for extreme cases of "real self-internet self" disparity... But I'd be willing to bet there are enough whackos out there that really feel like another person behind their SN's to the point that it could be necessary...lol | |
i dont know if this will ever happen, but i really hope that some day we find a way to prolong life. I am really scared by death, it is probably my worst fear. Mainly because i believe that there is no afterlife, death is just like when you go to sleep, but you dont wake up. You never knew you existed, you wont remember anything because your brain doesnt work anymore. I really believe that if I die, its all over, or actually it never started, I wont be able to know anything, remember anything, and therefore, the point of life is nothing, because when you die, life actually never happened!
Well anyways, i know this sounds weird, even though i dont believe there is an afterlife, I hope that there IS an afterlife. Because if there isnt, death will suck! But actually, death wont suck because i wont know it happened!!! If i confused you, sorry! If i do die before we figure out a way to prolong life, I will have my body put in some sort of state where i can be eventually revived to live again. I will probably not have my brain taken from my body, then frozen, because that is stupid and pointless. I will have my entire body, totaly intact, some how stored in the best way that the current modern science technology of that time period can do it. That way, i will be able to be revived when they figure it out! I dont want to leave earth and go to heaven, that is stupid in my opinion. I would much rather be reincarnated or something. Earth is a great place, and if there is any way i can stay here forever, i will! | |
I too believe that there is no afterlife, and that whatever is "me" will cease to exist once I die...
But in spite of that belief, I do not fear death in the way you do... I know it's inevitable...all a part of life... Sort of like the price that must be paid for getting the privelege of living... And once it happens, I won't be around to care...so what's there to be afraid of? I also don't put any undue worth into "accomplishing" anything while here on Earth... If I happen to accomplish something extraordinary, then cool for me... But if I don't...oh well... I'll die just the same and won't mind not leaving anything behind to show for it... It matters not to me... Why should it? So death holds no power over me... I know it's coming someday, but I don't let that bother me... It doesn't pay to worry about what hasn't happened yet if it's something you can't control... Of course, I don't welcome death, and will avoid it as long as possible...lol But when it must come, it's going to happen whether I want it to or not... | |
Earth is a crappy place, and I'm ready to leave, just not ready to die. I'll never be ready to die, and if I die, I hope it's in a war, so that if there is a heaven, I can say:
One more soldier reporting sir, I've spent my time in hell. This was best stated in a quote, forgot by who, but used in Medal of Honor Frontline. "And when he gets to Heaven To Saint Peter he will tell: One more soldier reporting, Sir -- I've served my time in Hell." one of the best quotes of all time. | |