I am going to be making an rpg called eternal hell and I want to see what you guys think about the begging story line.
Eternal Hell
“Wake up child!” shouts the servant, “You must leave before the orcs reach the second wall.”. The child still half asleep whispers, “Leave me alone”. Screams fill the hall and the sound of the orchish horde seems louder and louder. The poor servant fearing for her own life, grabs the child and runs as fast as she can but she knows that she will never make it out alive. Then as she hears the screams of the soldiers protecting the second wall she remembers of the secret dungeon in the kings chambers.
The orcs break threw the final fortification and now she can see them down the hall slashing the heads of poor innocent servants like herself. Blood drips from the ceilings as the orcs continue their rampage down the hall towards her. She runs with all her might with the child in her hands. Then as she reaches the kings chambers she pulls the secret door open with all her strength. She places the child inside the dungeon and exits for if she too stays in the dungeon there will be none to close camouflage this door. She can feel the smell of the orchish horde getting closer and closer. Soon blood shatters in the kings chambers as she is devoured by the orchish horde. Her bones broken, Her hips eaten, her head taken as a token, and her legs used as meat to feed the dogs.
The child wakes in the morning. He does not know where he is. This child, this little child is the son of the king of the lands of Norguat. Once one of the most powerful nations in the world. Now a ruin to be admired by generations soon to come. What you may not know is that this child is no simple prince. Oh no, he is the savior of this world, he is the king of all kings, and soon he shall take his thrown above all beings. Welcome to the realms of eternal hell where evil lurks in every shadow.
ID:153200
 Oct 4 2004, 11:26 am
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HavenMaster wrote:
My humor is lost upon a dim audience. He might be 3 years old, and in that case, he's extremely bright. | |
Blades wrote:
Can we plz get back to the main topic. I want to know what you guys think of the story. Generic. Mediocre. Plus, you need to learn how to consistently spell- you can't make typos when coding. | |
Kholint wrote:
Plus, you need to learn how to consistently spell- you can't make typos when coding. Do me a favor pal? Stop picking on people for bad spelling and grammar; grow the hell up. I understood him perfectly it was not that bad as most of the newbies here so stop criticizing them every post they make i see you jump in somewhere the past few days making rude comments. [Edit] Blades to avoid this most of the time run your posts that are long through spell check.net and it will fix the errors. I did this for awhile until i corrected my spelling mistakes. [/Edit] --Goz | |
Goz wrote:
Do me a favor pal? Stop picking on people for bad spelling and grammar; grow the hell up. I understood him perfectly it was not that bad as most of the newbies here so stop criticizing them every post they make i see you jump in somewhere the past few days making rude comments. Yeah, I'm sorry. Just I was beaten as a child, and this is my way of venting. | |
Um, actually, I take back what I said earlier.
It's a bit generic, but it's still a nice piece of work. I'm sorry if I discouraged you- don't you dare give up developing on me! In your defense, it's hard to think up an RPG storyline that ISN'T cliched or generic. It's the gameplay that matters. | |
sounds AMAZINGLY LOTR...but thats just me......other then the "closeness" to LOTR(lord of the rings for all af you who dont know) its actulally pretty good....you kept me reading it...so i say develope it and see how the gameplay looks....
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Pyro2013 wrote:
sounds AMAZINGLY LOTR...but thats just me......other then the "closeness" to LOTR(lord of the rings for all af you who dont know) its actulally pretty good....you kept me reading it...so i say develope it and see how the gameplay looks.... It's not good. Try reading His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman for "good". | |
I think it's misguiding to say that Jesus lives in hell. :-P