know*
So I'm going to see what you guys say about this topic... Anyways my gf dumped me and we were in love yes nodoubt about that... but as soon as she dumped me she found another guy 2 days after it and had totally forgotten about me, frenched him, and yes he was a pot smoker and did all sorts of other drugs and smelled like smoke (I don't know what she was thinking) but it didn't work out because her parents won't let her ever see him again... Now she's realizing she made a huge mistake and wants me back but I don't know what to do, I love her... But the reason she broke up with me was stupid ( I don't want to go out with someone who drinks or does drugs so she dumped me for it) and then she found that guy and kissed him andthey weren't even going out, and she didn't kiss me til awhile...
Should I hold it against her do you think? Or give her another chance? Yes I know I have to decide for myself, I'm just collecting opinions :)
You all are super smart and will come up with some great reason why or why not and you always tend to explain why... so I'm giving it a shot :)
ID:274768
 Jul 19 2002, 5:38 am
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Jon Snow wrote:
know* If she broke up with you because you wouldn't accept her drinking alcohol, or doing drugs then she will probably break up with you again. It seems you have a very hard time accepting her in general. In any kind of relationship, you need to be willing to accept how the other person is, what they like, etc. If she likes to dress sexy and drink you must be willing to let her do this, or it won't work out. I didnt mention drugs in that, because thats a touchier subject. I would accept it if my girlfriend smoked weed selectively, and did it for the right reason(If there is such a thing. People can take drugs to try and cure depression, to try and fit in with someone else, because it feels good and its exciting, or one of many other reasons). I wouldn't accept it if she was sniffing cocain, freebasing different drugs, mixing, or whatever. I'll leave the drug subject alone, trying not to divert the point of this thread to drug moralities and acceptance of drugs into society among younger people. Point is: To live/be together with someone, you MUST learn to accept who they are. If you can't, it will almost certain crumble. If you aren't willing to let your girlfriend drink, or dress sexy, or do drugs, or whatever she likes then I suggest you find someone more intune with yourself. I have to mention that that will be hard. I know a single person over 10 who hasn't had alcohol, and or drinks every once in a while(at a party, on a holiday, etc.), and she reminds me of a 1st grader when girls still had cooties. I also haven't met a single girl, in my entire life who didn't want to dress sexy. That is, girls over the age of 7. Granted, in Denmark we start to dress/drink at an earlier age than the average in the US, but it's still universal(I believe. Please correct me if im wrong in any of this. This is from the views of a 14 year old who has lived both in America and Denmark). Alathon\\ | |
yup I've already thought about that from what you guys said on the last thread, and I've already thrown those rules, out the window. The only thing I asked of her I said if she is going to do it, do it around me please so I know you're safe and I won't have to worry about you.
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Ok Well what about if I do get back together with her, what would you recommend I do for her to... you know... Do something out of the ordinary, I was thinking of dressing up, bringing her some flowers out of my garden (roses) and tying a string around them, with all the receipts, ticket stubs from all the movies we had watched together...
Any other ideas? :) | |
You all are super smart Wrong! and will come up with some great reason why or why not Wrong! and you always tend to explain why... so I'm giving it a shot :) Wrong! You just hit the trifecta of wrongness! At least with regard to me personally. I'm much more likely to come up with a dubious answer without any attempt at explanation. Having established that up front, my advice would be to tell her to hit the road and look for some other poor sucker to jerk around. Also, you could tell her "If I ever catch my daughter dressing like that, she'll be grounded for a month." | |
Give her a rose and throw it off a balcony/into the street and say 'I just wanted to show it what true beauty is'.
Oh yeah, don't try to rule her, LOL! Its not the 50's where women are your slaves... *snaps fingers* | |
PS, you can always go to OTHER forums...........
*Derrrrrrrrrrr* They were ment for that shiznit | |
None of the above...
Seriously, from what you've said, it seems to be her fault that you broke up... Why should you be the one trying to win her back? It should be the other way around... Actually, from what you've said of the whole situation, I really don't think she's worth it... "Love" or not...she doesn't sound like she's willing or ready to handle a serious relationship...and will just end up hurting you again for the next pot smoking loser she sees... My advice is to give it up and move on... She's not the one... Not yet, anyway... Maybe when she gets a bit older and more mature, there'll be a chance... But right now, she's definitely not there... | |
But the reason she broke up with me was stupid ( I don't want to go out with someone who drinks or does drugs so she dumped me for it) Um... you wouldn't go out with someone who drinks or does drugs, and so your girlfriend who apparently drank or did drugs broke up with you. If the reason is stupid, you're the one who drew the line in the sand... so start by taking responsibility for that . You tried to make your girlfriend choose between being herself and being with you. Whether or not I agree with her lifestyle choices (no comments from the peanut gallery), points to her for choosing to be herself. You say you're throwing those rules out... which is a step in the right direction... but are you doing so just to get her back, or because you realize that you were wrong? If you're doing things for the wrong reason, your insincerity will cripple any chance of a meaningful relationship. Oh, and asking her to only imbibe around you is just more of the same... you're being possessive and controlling. No matter how much you care about her, it's not your job to see that she's safe. No one is ever "safe" for a single moment of their life. Anything can happen, anytime, anywhere. The solution is not to cling to your lover one like a straitjacket, but to learn to let go. I have convinced several of my friends who used to be binge drinkers to lighten up (nothing wrong with drinking... I just feel that drinking until you vomit, pass out, and don't remember drinking in the first place, then declaring you had a "great time" while you're rinsing chunks of vomit that may or may not be yours out of your hair is monumentally stupid [there, I said it!]), but I didn't do it by being judgemental, setting rules, or making them choose between alcohol and me. I did it by degrees, and I went into it with the understanding that I might not succeed, if they didn't want to change, and that didn't bother me. | |
Lexy thanks a ton for not yelling at me telling me I"m stupid or somethnig for posting this here, and everyone else just the same :) But you guys at BYOND are seriously THE smartest people I've ever met in my life, I mean no one talks like any of you people do!!
And all your advice you gave me is great!! I have already realized my faults, I think it was just that I was more full of myself because I haven't really had a ton of girls that are just friends in my life, and I never really analyzed them like I have now... I realize that girls need these sort of things, you know I always thought that only dumb blonds, etc needed this... I stereotyped, but almost everyone needs these things (looking nice, etc I mean) in order to help themselves feel better about themselves. I admit when you look good, and people look at you, it does make you feel better! I have noticed almost all my faults now, like my strict "I can't stand being around drugs or alcohol doers!!" beliefs... I even sent a bunch of e-mails to friends that I sorta am not friends with anymore because they started drinking heavily and I said I was sorry etc... for being such a jerk. I was a major jerk, and I didn't realize it. I'm changing... Like every other high school student, I mean what is the point of high school anyways when you have crappy boring, you know more then them teachers? I've realized it's to find yourself :) | |
Look, along with the three smart ppl on BYOND, there are about 5000 idiots, who don't know how to properly place a comma in their numbers.
Don't ask me, you know why? I've been after my best friend for three years, she is the biggest pot smoker in kansas, she's trying to get off cocaine, and trying to stop drinking, she also has lukemia, schitzophrenia, and mild depression. Everything you would hate. I love her for one reason, when she is stoned, she's one of the worst people I know, but when she's somber, she is the greatest poet of all time, she can turn anything into a metaphor for the world. She's awesome that way, I've been slowly pushing her to stop all her bad habits. I don't mind pot, but it's the other crap that pisses me off. We've been off and on for three years now, and I'm sick of it, on top of that, she's 90% lesbian, and going out with this girl, which I get along with pretty well. You see, we weave such a tangled web. Make the right decision, if she's all you can think about, that's love, just try to fix things, don't hug/kiss her for the first week, show your anger at her, show your utter contempt for her habits, if she loves you enough, she'll calm down a bit, if not, hell, it wasn't worth it anyway, just don't act desperate. Ask yourself, not everyone else, ignore my post, and do it yourself. this will motivate you: YOU ARE A COWARD!!! lol, just messing with you, Ter | |
I am taking bits and pieces of everyones advice... my philosophy( YET another probably crappy one) is I am only one person, but there are how many people on byond, probably smarter then me? So why not throw their intelligence together with mine?
BUt I can't let what people say totally set my mind because only I know her, have feelings for her, and know the situation best. Anything else I"m missing? To tell you the truth I love to learn, I realize alot of my ideas are completely stupid, but that's what I'm here for, to learn. Just need to tell everyone don't be mean when you're educating me, even if it was the stupidest thing you've ever heard :) Because I'll ignore the education, and focus only on the bad part. I know you were kiddin around though so don't worry :) | |
most likely if she would rather do drugs and stuff than give it up for you than you werent meant for eachother...or she prefers lust rather than love
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Lummox JR