I don't know why, but this joke has always been my favourite. It's neither new nor original, but I find it hilarious.

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One day, a man walks into a bar. He looks around -- the place is packed. He wanders around a bit before he notices that a seat at the bar is empty.

He walks on over to the seat, and is about to take a seat, when the bartender says, "You'd better not sit there, that's Big Bob's seat."

The guy gives the bartender a funny look and sits down, saying, "Well, Big Bob isn't here, is he?"

"No, but he usually comes around here around this time, and if he finds you in his spot he'll do very bad things to you."

The door opens, and who should appear, but Big Bob himself. He takes one look at the bar, sees the man in his seat, grabs him by the collar of his shirt, and drags him out the front door.

After several dull thuds, like that of a mallet tenderising chicken, Big Bob comes in, with a little bit of blood on his hands.

Big Bob says to the bartender, "If that guy ever comes in here again, tell him that was kickboxing from Chicago."

***

A day later, the guy walks back into the bar, with a big cut above his eye, which has been stitched up and covered with a suture. As before, the bar was packed, except for Big Bob's seat.

He walks over to the counter and says hello to the bartender. The bartender looks at him and shakes his head: "I dunno how to say this, really, but Big Bob told me to tell you that was kickboxing from Chicago."

He sits down in the seat again, and the bartender looks at him incredulously. "Are you crazy?!" he exclaims, "He'll kill you!"

The man shrugged and ordered a beer -- but as the bartender was pouring the drink, Big Bob walks into the bar, takes one look at the guy, grabs him by the collar, and drags him outside.

A few more meat-tenderising noises later, followed by a resounding crack as if skull met pavement, and Big Bob walks back into the bar and tells the bartender, "If that guy comes back in here *again*, tell him that was ninjitsu from Japan."

***

The next day, the same man walks back into the bar. He looks to be in pretty sorry shape, with his arm in a sling, a few more cuts on his head, and his nose a little bent up.

The bartender looks at him as he sits down in Big Bob's seat. "This time, it was ninjitsu from Japan. You must have a death wish, buddy."

The man looks up at him. "Nope, I have a plan."

Once again, as if on cue, Big Bob walks in, looks at the counter, and sees this guy at the counter.

Big Bob blinks and exclaims, "Geez, man, you just don't give up, do you? I'm going to have to *really* show you what I have this time." And with that, he grabbed the man by the collar and hauled him out into the back alley.

All that is heard is a resounding CLANG! The man walks back into the bar, whistling politely, and sits down in Big Bob's seat again.

The bartender looks a little confused and flabbergasted, and manages to ask, "What happened?"

The man replies, "Next time Big Bob comes back in here, tell him that was crowbar from Home Hardware."